Issue #41: 3 tips on how to build meaningful relationships to become a successful Product Manager (without feeling gross about it!)

To have a successful career in Product Management, you need to invest in having meaningful professional relationships

Hola friends! 👋

This week’s thoughts and feelings include:

1. 3 tips on how to build meaningful relationships to become a successful Product Manager (without feeling gross about it!)

2. 5 cool things this week

I had a pretty eventful first few weeks of January. Everybody got back from holidays. I had new leaders to onboard. I kicked off a new client and wrapped up another one. I also got back to bootstrapping an idea that 2 friends + I have been brewing for a while.

I’m always extra optimistic at the beginning of the year. The possibilities and opportunities seem endless. And what makes it even more exciting is that from everything I’ve learned in the last few years — they really are endless.

What about you? How are the first few days of 2024 treating you? What are you excited about?

💙

Kax

You can also find me on Twitter, Linkedin, and Instagram

p.s.
I’m still trying to get back to a weekly cadence of writing so bear with me. 🙏

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1️⃣ 3 tips on how to build meaningful relationships to become a successful Product Manager (without feeling gross about it!)

A lack of good professional relationships can have a huge impact on our day-to-day life and our career development as Product Managers. And I’ve seen it!

• Extremely talented Product Managers get passed on for promotions because they miss having a good relationship with people who can advocate for them.

• Really smart Product Managers get blocked and are unable to deliver them because they are in constant conflict with their cross-functional team.

• High-performing Product Managers struggling to find new roles in new companies are constantly told that “they lack the seniority the hiring manager is looking for”.

***

How well do you know promotions work in your organization? Promotions usually work like this:

1. Hiring managers nominate people from their team who they think are up for promotion.

2. Hiring managers bring their nominations to a committee where other people will either challenge or support the nominations they are bringing to the table.

However, the budget for promotions is always limited.

The people who are going to get the promotion will be the people who not only have shown great results but also have people advocating for them in the process aside from their managers.

***

As Product Managers, we rely on so many tools and frameworks to get our job done.

But have you ever noticed that a lot of our tools require other people’s input? Like how prioritization frameworks need input from engineers to estimate effort. Frameworks for designing experiments are pretty much meant to be done as cross-functional activity.

And when the relationships are not there, things do not work. We either blame the process for being broken or non-existent. Or we blame each other.

***

These days, candidates looking for new roles need more strategy than just sending out a CV and crossing their fingers that the hiring manager will even see them.

1. Before even publishing the new role, hiring managers first go through our mental Rolodex of people we remember, picking out names who we think could be fit for the position.

2. If our contacts would fall short, we would then reach out to our network and ask them for their recommendations.

It’s a matter of confidence. It’s much easier to take a leap of faith in people that hiring managers know or in talents vouched for by people whose judgment they trust.

***

Ok Kax, we get it! Relationships are important. But it all sounds gross to just want to get close to people for the sake of getting ahead.

I get it. And it’s true! You don’t build relationships because you need something from them. You shouldn’t. That’s when it becomes gross.

And then there are so many questions like “Who should we build relationships with?” or “How do we even start when there’s zero connection with them at all?”

So let me share with you my tips on how to build and invest in meaningful relationships without it being gross!

1. Be curious about other people

Within your team

• Do you know if there are doomsday preppers in your team like you?

• Do you know your team’s interest apart from building software solutions?

People are so much more than their roles. Our interests, experiences, and cultural backgrounds shape who we are, what we do, and how we interact with other people. Having a better understanding of who people are makes it easier to figure out how to work with them better.

That quiet person in your team who says 3 words maximum during standup? Yeah, that person you barely say anything to during lunch? They like to make sourdough starters on weekends to share with their closest friends. Just like you!

Outside of your team

• Do you know the people based in your company’s headquarters in Paris?

• Do you know the PM of the team that built this cool AI product in your company?

A successful organization is a fascinating well-oiled system. A system that’s made up of people with different functions and skills. Some of them are also building solutions. While some are creating the right environment to enable the builders to build. There’s a world outside of your immediate team. How often have you ventured out your team’s door?

Outside your organization

• Do you know other Product Managers outside of your company?

• Do you know any of the Top 30 Women in Product in 2023 from PMF?

• Do you know anybody who can explain to you how Spotify is Product-Led?

People say it all the time. Different organizations, sectors, and industries do Product Management differently. Imagine the wealth of stories they have and all the lessons they have learned throughout their experience. Some of those stories may have insights that can help you solve your day-to-day product challenges

2. Be genuinely interested in them

So now you have identified people that could be interesting to meet. Then what? How do you approach them?

Do you just send them a message asking them to tell you about their experience? Or if they can refer you to a role in their company?

Yes. And ABSOLUTELY NO!

Yes to sending them a message!
On Slack, Linkedin, or email, if you can.
Or ask somebody to make an introduction, if you can’t.

Break the ice. Tell them how you came to be connected. And be open as to why you’re reaching out.

Be specific. Tell them what you’re curious to know about and why you think they’re the best people to tell you more about what you’re trying to find out.

It’s also ok to tell that you think they’re cool or that you’ve been really inspired or impressed by the work they’ve done! Genuinely want to get to know them.

But ABSOLUTELY NO to asking them immediately to do something for you. I think it’s bad form to ask somebody you barely know or have never met to refer you for a job, put in a good word for you, or make them do the work of giving you the information you’re looking for without any context. Why should they help you when they don’t even know you?

For example, here’s a message I received on Linkedin that turned me off and I didn’t reply to.

❌ “Hi Kax, This is X. A Product guy currently working in the mobility industry. I’m willing to join your company as a PM. I would like to know if you currently have any PM vacancy within your team. Can we talk about it? Thanks!”

3. Be trustworthy

At the end of the day, people will want to work with you, advocate for you, and refer you to roles because they trust you.

Because they trust that you can help out, provide value, and do a good job with the things that they associate with you.

While trust needs time and effort, it’s also not accidental. You can be intentional in your actions and create an environment wherein people can feel that they can trust you.

How? Let me share my favorite framework for this: Trust Equation by Charles Green.

Simply put:

• Be credible - be knowledgeable on your domain and be open to sharing your expertise

• Be reliable - be dependable, consistent, and produce work with good quality

• Be intimate - be open to showing vulnerability and genuineness. Show people who you are.

• Don’t only focus on yourself - be concerned for other people’s goals and struggles too.

***

As Product Managers all our work, at its very heart, is people-oriented.

We build solutions and provide value to people. And to do that, we need to work with people.

We can not work alone. It’s impossible.

So why should it be any different when it comes to progressing in our careers?

I truly believe that the key to doing a good job as a Product Manager and progressing in our careers is also through the people we work with.

• Get help from other experts so we can learn from them — then we can do an excellent job.

• Have people associate us with our expertise and speak for it on our behalf — then we open ourselves up to opportunities… including the ones we don’t even know about.

All of it through the relationships we intentionally build with people.

***

At the core of it, this is pretty straightforward advice. But I’ve seen amazing Product People, in different states of their career, still struggle with this. Because they struggle to articulate their expertise. They struggle with the invisible and often blurred boundaries that exist with cross-functional collaboration. Or they struggle with the most relationship they can have in their jobs — with their managers.

If this is you and you want to get out of that black hole, I’d love to help you get unstuck! I still have 2 open coaching slots and I’ve made it my mission to help more and more product professionals, especially women, enjoy their Product careers, pursue their passions, and live by their values. So I’d love to help you too.

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2️⃣ 5 Cool things this week

1. This TedxTalk from Carla Harris where she talked about the importance of having a person who will speak on your behalf in the important discussions that you’re not invited to yet. Do you have one already?

2. Have you read the Town Hall memo from X where they shared their achievements from 2023 and what they will focus on in 2024? What do you think?

3. Things to expect from Product Management in 2024. Rising trends to pay attention to.

4. For the Trust and Safety domain-obsessed people out there like me, Fingerprint (a device intelligence platform for fraud detection) is looking for a Director of Product!

5. For the Product Managers out there who are looking to land your next Product role to build valuable solutions in a manner and environment that align with your ambition, interest, and values - I’d love to help you! I still have 2 open coaching slots left starting in February. Let’s chat!

   

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3️⃣ By the way…

For those who will be in Barcelona on March 1-2, I’ll be speaking at Product Weekend! Will I see you there?

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