Proof of Life
Hello, World! I'm still alive!
It’s not that I’ve been hiding or anything, but maybe I have unintentionally (so let’s make a conscious decision now to not hide anymore). The last few months have seen endless waves of shitshow in my life that I really didn’t have any energy left (nor motivation) to write here for a while. I was mostly focusing on showing up for myself, my clients, and whatever emergency of the day that needed my attention at any given moment.
Without going into detail, because it doesn’t matter for this post… let’s just say that there have been unwelcome changes in my life that all occurred back to back to back.
To put it simply, I hit rock bottom. Hard.
And I’ve been spending the last few months licking my wounds and just making sure I survive the madness of it all. As in, I really thought I was going mad because, “WTF, Universe?!” One moment things were fine, the next moment I was on the floor crying my guts out.
The fact that I’m writing more and more these days means I’m in a better place. A state I didn’t really notice until a few weeks ago, when my best friend sent me a message saying “YOU’RE WRITING AGAAAAAAIIIINNN!”. All caps for feelings.
And there was a weight lifted off my shoulders after that. Not all of it at that moment… but enough for me to notice.
I’ve debated with myself whether or not this will be one of those newsletters where I share with you the top things I’ve learned while crawling my way out of rock bottom, but I realized I didn’t have the heart to write about those yet. While I’m no longer on the floor, I am still fresh from it.
And I’ve learned not to write from the wound, but better from the scar. And while the wound is dry, the scab is still fresh. And I dare not scratch it, even if it’s feeling itchy.
But this post isn’t meant to be a personal pity party either. And I do want to share value, as I always do. So, having realized that there are so many of us who have been hit unwittingly by life deciding to be life, and I know personally some of you are in the thick of it as well… I thought I’d share these instead:
The things that have helped me pull myself out of rock bottom.
But before I get into the list, I do want to recognize that hitting rock bottom (for me at least) was brought about by a massive shake-up in my identity. Suddenly, all of the things that I thought I was/am, I was suddenly doubting.
And I hit rock bottom because I was suddenly left with 2 questions:
Who am I now? and Now what?
Questions that I had to answer not too long ago when I burned out and left my job, and now I have to answer all over again? I was all out of answers. And quite frankly, didn’t really have the energy to go find them all over again. Not to mention that I was fucking angry because “Didn’t I just answer these?! Why do I have to do it again?!”
But no amount of anger, frustration, and grief can make me avoid the exercise… so I got up from the floor and started the work.
And the work was not pretty, nor was it fast. But the work did get me out of my rock bottom — because at least for me, the work that was initially meant to just make me feel alive again also became the mechanism for finding answers to my question.
So if you’re your own personal rock bottom now and also asking yourself the same questions I asked myself a few months ago, and hitting walls trying to find answers… I hope this list of what I did can give you some ideas to start your journey with.
If you’re going through your own career rock bottom and need help getting out of it, I’d love to help you.
So here we go:
The [X] things I did that helped me get out of rock bottom and find myself again
(I put x as a placeholder because I have no idea how many I’ll end up sharing by the end of this)
01 Seek professional help. I’ll start with this. Whether that be a therapist or a coach, it doesn’t matter. As much as I love my friends and they have been TRULY TRULY TRULY critical in this journey for me, I needed tools. And a shit ton of reframing. I spent the early days of my journey in a loop of self-blame. I was convinced that I was not worthy of any good things (because why else could I not keep them?).
And while my friends tried hard to get me out of that loop, I also couldn’t help but think that they’re biased. Of course, they would say those things to me because they love me.
So an objective perspective was what I needed to snap me out of my daze.
Therapy helped me see the meaning I was giving the situation and the meaning I was inadvertently giving myself as a consequence.
02 Start speaking kindly to myself. A natural consequence of therapy for me, at least. Those sessions helped me see the inner conversations I was having in my mind.
And they were NOT kind at all. Most especially to myself.
I was constantly questioning my value and my worth. I was half-convinced that I didn’t deserve good things anymore.
When I finally paid attention to the things I was telling myself in my brain, it was easy to decide “NO MORE OF THIS BULLSHIT!”
Ok, the decision was easy. The work was not, but it was simple.
I just started telling myself better things. And started allowing myself to believe that:
I am not shitty. I am THE shit!
I am worthy of good things.
And good things are always happening to me, even if I have to squint my eyes and tilt my head 32.7° to the left to notice it.
I used to wake up in the mornings dreading what the day would bring because it just felt impossible to believe that it would be good. Now I wake up with the belief that it’ll be better than yesterday on my good days. And curiosity for what might come up on days I can’t imagine something bright and shiny.
03 I kept myself busy beyond work. I suddenly found myself staring down the barrel of a gun. The gun being my calendar that felt intimidatingly… empty (aside from work).
Empty hours were scary because I was forced to face some truths that I had accepted, but I just didn’t want to keep revisiting. Especially when my mind’s tendency was to keep replaying unpleasant scenarios that just kept me down.
I just want to point out that this isn’t about being productive. It was about giving myself something else to think about to train my brain to redirect to something better.
So I gave myself a personal project. I shared in my Substack notes the other day that I started a personal writing project… writing my memoir 😂.
I needed something that would:
reconnect me with something that I love doing
remind me of what I’m good at
and make me laugh along the way
So writing about the shenanigans I’ve been through gave me all of that… and more! Writing became a release. It made me face all of the stuff that I used to believe about myself, let go of the bad ones, and remind myself of the good ones.
Note: If writing is not your thing, any form of creation is also good. I also stopped doomscrolling, which did a shit ton of good for my self-esteem.
04 I took care of my body. I found it truly hard to take care of my mind when my body felt like I was in survival mode. My nervous system was a wreck, and I needed a way to get myself back to baseline. I also needed to feel strong again… in whatever shape or form it can present itself to me.
So I took loooooonnnnnngggg ass walks. Even managed to convince myself to go for a run every once in a while.
I went to acupuncture and fell asleep with those needles sticking out of my body. My acupuncturist also has been heaven-sent and gave me more things I can do on my own to help myself, like EFT Tapping, light breathwork, and self-massages.
I went to strength training classes. Group ones. Yoga and Pilates weren’t doing it for me this time because I needed something that could knock me out. And the trainer I started going to wasn’t playing around with the sequences she would have us do. I would always walk out of that class with a big grin on my face, proud of what my body has been able to do. And even bigger when I’d manage to go up a kilo with the weights.
I treated myself to beauty treatments. Facials, manicures, and massages. Anything that can help me not just relax but remind myself that my body is beautiful and deserves to be treated with care.
I got out of the house. If not to move, to get sunshine. Loads of it. By the end of winter, I had a tan. 😂 Getting sun and being surrounded by so much life reminded me that my life was not at a standstill. If the world can keep moving, so can I.
05 I gave myself new experiences. Pretty related to keeping busy, but I thought I’d keep it as a separate item list. Because in a way, I saw this “method” as a means to get me my spark back and nurse it back to a roaring flame.
Doing something new, especially when it felt terrifying in the beginning, reminded me of how brave I am, at least. And when I enjoyed them, it reminded me that there were still so many things in life that are waiting for me to re/discover them.
I joined improv classes and laughed my ass off.
I signed up for open mic nights and talked about vulnerable shit with zero preparation.
I went to talks on various non-work-related topics (although somehow AI was always touched upon, one way or another lol).
I joined supper clubs and always ended up debating with strangers on various topics (not all of them AI).
I became friends with the owners of this wine bar that has been in my neighborhood for so long, but I never visited until recently.
I went to the opening of an exhibit at the other end of the city and unknowingly ended up in a long-ass conversation with the artist herself.
I brought books with me to cafes and found myself having conversations about them with the people at the table next to me.
And these experiences would always remind me that who I am is more than enough.
06 I allowed myself to imagine best-case scenarios. This was tough in the beginning. Especially when insecurity would hit me hard, and I felt like I had to constantly keep playing defense against life. I needed to survive, and that was all my mind would allow me to think about.
Slowly and gently, I pushed my mind to cross the survival barrier. And I just had fun with it.
My imagination was my safe space. The world could be burning outside, but behind my closed eyes, I had everything I wanted and needed, and more.
And this helped a lot.
It showed me the possibilities that are out there for me beyond my current circumstances.
It showed me the kind of mindset I could start having to take ownership of my life again.
And more than anything else, it reminded me that circumstances CAN and WILL change if I allow them to.
And so I started dreaming again.
I’m not going to pretend that I’m the poster child for 180° transformation. Some days were really tough. But I do recognize that it was just me vs me.
Or more accurately, me vs my mind.
The only way out of rock bottom is through. But there are things we can do to help ourselves, at least to make the journey less insufferable. And often, that starts with our minds — the things we keep playing on loop about our circumstances and, more importantly, ourselves.
We can keep telling ourselves that things are shit (and that maybe true). But we can also spend equal amounts of energy believing that things can and will be better (and it will be true).
The work is simple enough. But I will not lie and say that it was easy for me. I’ve trained my mind well enough to protect myself from worst-case scenarios, and I presume that a lot of us have. And that’s ok. Our minds have always been programmed to keep us safe… even though the methods aren’t actually pleasant doesn’t matter to our minds.
But that also means we can train our minds to think differently. And it’s a workout on its own. But trust me, it’s worth it.
Often, we think that when the goal is achieved, and our circumstances have changed, that’s when we can start feeling better about ourselves. But if there’s one thing that I have learned that I will share now, it’s this:
When we start feeling better about ourselves, that’s when our circumstances will change, and our goals can be achieved.
There have been a lot of posts lately about how “hitting rock bottom” is a great opportunity for self-discovery and for reaching our highest potential. And I do agree with it.
But rock bottom is not a place I would wish even on my worst enemy. Although we don’t always have control over whether or not we will hit it. Life will life.
I do promise that “rock-bottom” doesn’t have to last long. Our journeys may be individual, and some may stay there longer than others. But it’s not forever. Take it from somebody who used to cry when the sun was shining bright because even beautiful days would send me into a spiral. Go figure.
Every moment you start thinking better of yourself and your future is already a huge step forward. The more you do it, the sooner you can get out of it.
Ways to work with me:
If you’re going through your own professional rock bottom… and you could use some help getting out of it, I have open slots for 1:1 coaching. Book a discovery call with me and we can explore together your transformation journey can look like for you.
If you’re in Barcelona, I’m hosting a 2-day workshop with my friend and colleague, Andrea Ramirez (Hypnotherapist). Where we’re helping people discover the best possible future for themselves and remove the mental barriers that are blocking them from living that best possible future today.
For subscribers of my newsletter, I’m sharing a 15% discount. Just use KAX during checkout.
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