If you're feeling scared about the future of your career... Read this.
Will it be another motivational post? Maybe. Will there be things to experiment with? Absolutely.
Hooo boy. Raise your hand if you’re constantly worried about what will happen tomorrow. 🙋♀️
I’m a PM at heart. I’ve been trained to think about the end of the quarter, the end of the 6 months, the end of the fiscal year. Except that thinking has been shaped into constant worrying.
So much so that I’ve learned to worry about tomorrow all the time. Will we finish the tasks by the end of this sprint? Will that meeting with my stakeholder end up well? Will they announce the re-org tomorrow?
And then I open LinkedIn, and some influential person says one thing and puts the industry in a spiral. There’s always something dead or dying every 3 days, according to <insert big name human being here>.
So thinking about tomorrow and having Plan B-Z became my coping mechanism.
I had so much anxiety about a day that doesn’t even exist yet (literally and technically) that I ended up burning out. I was constantly running scenarios in my head, preparing for every worst-case outcome that I could come up with; I ended up with sleepless nights, and the gnawing feeling at the pit of my stomach never left.
When I ended up in front of my therapist, I went with a LONG ASS list of why the world sucks, and it’s apparently dead-set on seeing me fall flat on my face. It was everybody else’s fault. The organization never cares about the people. The stakeholders had no idea what they were talking about. My parents could have raised me better. My neighbors could probably also stop being loud in the middle of my meetings.
I was having a terrible time because, unconsciously, I have started to think that the world had made it a mission to make me have a terrible time. And therefore, it’s the world’s mission to make it better for me.
And I was extremely annoyed by how my therapist just kept asking me about what I made these things mean about me? How can I reframe my thoughts? What’s within my control?
I was annoyed because WHY AM I BEING ASKED TO CHANGE WHEN CLEARLY THE PROBLEM IS NOT ME???????
Why am I the one crying in front of them, suffering through this entire ordeal when the organization is being unreasonable in their asks?! When I’m about to lose my job because somebody decided that my role does not matter anymore?!
I’m the one losing my hair here, and I’m being made to feel like I’m the problem?!
It took a while, but I finally got what my therapist was saying. And by got I mean truly get it.
But let me break it down for you what I finally understood, what I did to change my circumstances, and get out of my burnout.
I was constantly living in a future I did not want to happen and that did not exist (yet). Which, for me, meant I was always worrying. I worried about feedback, rejection, or failure that may or may not come. And that worry made me feel like that thing I was expecting was just inevitable if I didn’t do just one more thing to keep it from happening. Except in my head, it was never just one thing. It was a whole lot of things. That’s why I never slept and constantly restless. I stopped doing things that I didn’t see as productive because they would just keep me from doing something else that was.
I was living in a loop of fear and defensiveness.
The conundrum here for me is that, of course, I’m anticipating the future — that’s part of my job. YES. When we’re trained to estimate work and make predictions to see what we can achieve in a quarter, this can feel like second nature to us. So we can iterate and adjust expectations as we go.
But what this doesn’t mean is that we make our entire life revolve around it.
In the end, I created my own suffering before things even happened. And by constantly rehearsing the worst-case scenario in my brain, most of the time, I ended up making it true (the brain works in mysterious ways).
And when it didn’t, I still suffered through it anyway. And instead of basking in the relief, I prepared for the next possible worst-case scenario because I was already so used to it.I constantly expected people to change their minds because clearly they’re the ones who are wrong. And if they didn’t, they’re just difficult asses. I mean, I could be right. I usually was. Lol. But the frustration I ended up feeling because people just weren’t doing the simple thing I expected them to do was making them live rent-free in my head as the asses I pictured them to be.
For a while, I talked about NOTHING except the annoyance I felt towards somebody’s boss’s boss. I complained about how nobody else in this world except for a few people knew what they were doing. And clearly, whatever shit show I was experiencing was their fault. And even more clearly, I was feeling bad about my capabilities because it was their fault. If only they listened to me, then I would feel good about myself.
I dreaded every single interaction I had with these people. Whenever I would see meeting invites that included them, my shoulders would tense up. Whenever I would get notifications from these people, I was already angry before I would even read their messages.
Effect? I was constantly defensive in our conversations. I was more concerned with being proven right than finding alignment. I was exhausted even before the conversation started.
The irony of this is that these are the people I wanted to influence. These are the people whom I wanted to trust ME. By making them the villain of my story (instead of potential allies), my feelings towards them heavily influenced my behaviors and words towards them — albeit unwittingly. Which, in turn, influenced my lack of influence towards them. And so continues an endless loop of frustration that, in the end, stressed me out.I outsourced my worth, mental health, and peace. That’s it. That’s the “tweet” (how early 2000s of me to say this). I only felt good enough IF so and so and so happened. I allowed for whatever terrible circumstances to live rent-free in my mind and just spiraled and spiraled and spiraled. I was angry all the time because of 10 million reasons.
I ate, lived, and breathed work. I think I forgot what my hobbies were. I only read books that were about professional and personal development because all I could focus on was being seen as good enough, getting my way at work, and changing people/decisions according to what I want. And when those didn’t work? I sucked. But also, they sucked.
I was so mad at people not respecting my boundaries — booking meetings on my blocked slot for lunch, for example? But I accepted the meeting anyway. Signaling that I did not respect my own boundaries. One could argue that the meeting was urgent and/or it was the only slot that the executive has available. Ok. But is it an exception? Or becoming an excuse to the norm?
It all sounds so extreme. But unfortunately, my story and my feelings are not unique to me.
And while, undoubtedly, there ARE a lot of things that organizations, executives, board people, the industry CAN and SHOULD be better at… There were also a lot of things I could have done to help myself while I fought the good fight of doing my job, helping my team achieve their outcomes, and working towards better processes/working conditions for everyone. I did not need to burn out.
But hindsight is always 20/20. And thank you to my therapist for having a shit ton of boxes of Kleenexes in every corner of his office.
So clarity came, then changes started to happen.
For transparency’s sake, and for context, after a few months of going on a burnout leave, I left my job. Or I got asked to leave after I’d said no to the opportunities that were put in front of me because they were not aligned with what I wanted to do.
Live in the Present + Assume the Best. Now, without a job, I was left with a choice — do I spend the time now worrying about the doom and gloom of unemployment or do I choose to stay in the present and use this time to start imagining differently for myself? I chose the latter.
I figured, if I can imagine all the worst-case scenarios in the world, I can also imagine the best-case scenarios. That I can spend my working hours doing what I love doing and what I’m great at, and be paid well for it. It’s all the same energy anyway, so why can’t I spend that energy assuming the best for myself?
And having made that decision, I decided to just enjoy the present. If I’m already assuming the best, that I can have what I want, how can I spend the day? With more enjoyment and wonder vs worry.
During that time, I started talking from a place of belief and confidence. I started talking as if I already was what I was assuming myself to be. Happy, content, and successful in the endeavor I chose for myself.
It was fun. It was easy. And some days, the opportunities came. And on the days they didn’t, I just enjoyed the extra time I got to chill.
Practical application:If you’re looking for a job, assume that you’ll have one anyway. It’ll come. In the meantime, spend the time in between enjoying the process, the free time you have, and practicing telling your stories (tell them from a place of owning your expertise!). Be mindful of the apocalyptic stories you’re telling yourself about how the market sucks, the hiring process sucks, and how nobody’s seeing your potential sucks. They might be true, but how is spending your energy thinking about those helping you?
If you’re in the job, sure, have your Plan Bs. If you’re in the midst of an org transformation, be open to opportunities. If the strategy went through another change, go with it. Things change all the time, and uncertainty is part of the game/the job. Once again, assume that things will be alright. The world will not end. And learn to detach. Spend as much energy finding out what’s going right vs just predicting what can go wrong. Do the job. And don’t forget to live your life, too.
The more present you are to your life, and focusing your awareness on the good things that are happening and can happen, the more space you create for opportunities AND ideas to approach your circumstance to come.
Your intuition is steady and quiet; it’s never panic-inducing. And it can be hard to listen to it when you're constantly in fight or flight.Stop spending your energy on making other people the villain of your story. Honestly, the worst impact is always going to be on you. In my case, I just stopped thinking they were assholes. If they did/said something that pissed me off, I gave it no meaning. Not towards them, and especially not towards me.
I stopped dreading conversations and just focused on what I wanted to say and how I wanted to show up. Cool. Calm. Collected. And myself. I didn’t let their energy get to me. I was neutral to what I used to see as bullshit.
Until I started seeing them differently. They’re also just people who have their own goals. Not necessarily different from mine, but we might have different approaches to it. Finding that common ground in my head allowed me to create more space for conversation. I became more open to co-creation.
And honestly, these people who I used to think were the spawns of evil became the people who directed opportunities to me when I finally left.
Practical application:If you’re trying to influence people in your organization, pay attention to the thoughts you have about these people. Do you think they’re idiots who don’t get the simplest thing? Or do you think they’re people who also have goals and want to do what’s best, too? Different thoughts will generate different perspectives when it comes to your approach. I’m not saying you should think the sun shines out of their asses or that you’re best friends, but making them the villain to your story will make you closed off to co-creation and delay you from the influence you’re trying to have.
If you’re interviewing for roles, focus your energy on yourself. Focus on telling the story that makes you shine. Don’t spend your energy trying to predict what your interviewer might see as the right answer. You can’t know that. But if you are focused on telling the story that rightfully represents your expertise and experience, you can have an influence on what their decision is. Influence them, not let them influence you.
I wrote a guide on how to build trust and strengthen your influence from the inside out. It’s the same approach I share with my 1:1 clients so you can know it works. Available on Gumroad.
Know your worth and prioritize your health. That’s it, that’s the “tweet”. I know it kinda sounds like a cop out, self-help, generic advice but it’s true. And it is the simplest way to get out of a rut.
The moment I stopped waiting for external validation to tell me that I am indeed amazing, the opportunities started coming. The external validation started coming. And the moment I started declining appointments because I simply didn’t have the time or I needed to eat lunch, the world did not collapse and started telling me I’m a worthless git.
The moment I started making time for “non-productive” things, like a nap, an hour of just staring into space imagining my future villa with private chef, the ideas that can get me there started coming.
Relaxing your mind and allowing yourself to believe that you are indeed a wonderful, amazing, professional, and human being (with always space for continuous expansion), life unfolds. Opportunities come. Often in the most brilliant of ways.
Practical application:If there’s a problem you need to solve and no amount of overthinking can make you find a solution that actually works, take a step back. Take a beat and do something else. Put your focus on something else that makes you feel good and reminds you of how creative and limitless you are. Or just you know, be. Let the ideas come in the spaces you created in your mind by letting go of the seemingly unsolvable problem.
If you want to get the job, the promotion, the success, be the first person to believe that you CAN have it. Don’t wait for the thing to tell you what you are capable and who you are. Be the first person to raise yourself up. And then show up as that person. Sharing your wins becomes less about bragging and more about being proud of yourself and wanting to tell your story and help somebody else in the process. And when you’re showing up as that person, the one who’s already capable, worthy, and has the expertise to make things happen, you allow others to see this version of you, too.
I get it. Sometimes what’s in front of us can be scary and frustrating. The rejection emails that come (or don’t). The promotion that feels elusive. And the never-ending narrative about how if you don’t do x,y,z you’re doomed.
But you are in control of your reality. I would go as far and say that you create your reality. If you live in your mind thinking that the industry is fucked, therefore your prospects are fucked, then you’re steering yourself towards the direction of being fucked. If you live in your mind, thinking that everything is hard for you, then you’ll make things hard for you.
Be mindful of your thoughts. Think only of favourable things for yourself. Don’t just stay in the loop of the many things you feel you need to improve on. Sure, we always have room for improvement. But as you are, with the many experiences you’ve had and achievements you’ve won, you already are MORE than enough. And those thoughts deserve some time to loop in your mind, too.
I have a friend who was telling the story of her job search the other day. And how she spent the last 3 months of her job search just enjoying the ride. Not worrying about whether or not she will find one. She knew it was just a matter of time. Not caring if it will take 3 or 6. So she spent the last 3 months doing things she enjoyed, sharing her knowledge where she thought it could help, having conversations that inspired her, and unwittingly put her in the path of the opportunities she sought. And in the end, she found the job. With less stress than there needed to be.
And while I know that it can feel like it’s a luxury to relax, especially when the bills are piling up, and the influencers seem to be doubling down on the panic-inducing narratives, but it’s also the greatest gift you can give to yourself.
Relax. Believe that everything will always work out in your favor. Everything will always be alright. And just live. Do what you want to do and allow for life and opportunities to unfold in front of you. After all, if you’re reading this now, I would bet that your survival/success rate for this is still at 100%.
01 I’ve been working on ways to make my coaching accessible to more people. So I started creating these workbooks based on the no.1 problems my coaching clients come to me for help on solving.
It so happens that one of the most popular problems to solve is on How to Build Trust and Have More Influence. So I took the frameworks, exercises, and experiments I’ve done with my clients that have helped them achieve their goals and turned it into this workbook.
So now you can get some coaching from me in bite-size pieces :)
02 I have spots open for 1:1 coaching. I would love to help you navigate your career and find balance with the rest of your life, whether you’re trying to:
Figure out what’s next for you because you’re tired of what you’re doing or you want more for yourself (or something better). Or even if you’re not sure if what you’re doing now is still what you want to keep doing.
Navigate your new life as a leader, be effective, and not burn yourself out through it all (especially in this new world where speed became table stakes)
Build your first product/business on your own. Whether you already know how to build one but you’re pulling your hair out because what’s next — maybe because you’re not sure if you’re ready, if people will believe that you’re the best person to help them solve their problems, or 10 million other doubts and questions that are going through that beautiful mind of yours.
Whatever it is that you’re going through right now, professionally (and honestly it will always have an impact personally, one way or another), I’d love to work with you through it so you can achieve the best possible scenario for yourself.
So let’s have a chat and we can talk about how we might work together.
03 I work with teams and communities to help the people in it figure out what’s the best possible way for them to achieve their goals. Or even define their goals. Let’s talk about the challenges that the people you work with are facing, and we can design together a workshop that can help them solve their challenges and start living the best possible scenarios for themselves (and the work that they’re doing).
Whether the challenges are structural or self-concept-driven, I’d love to help!
So if you’re a manager who wants to help your team have more impact or a community leader who want to help your members gain more confidence, clarity, and creativity… 👇