Nearly all of the people I’m coaching are on 2 different sides of the same leadership coin.
The ones who have the title PLUS the “official” authority. They have direct reports and an actual mandate that “can make” people follow them.
The ones who have neither the title nor the official authority. They don’t have direct reports and, at best, maybe have some sort of support from senior leaders to stand in as some form of mandate.
2 different sets of people facing the same challenge: How to lead effectively without resorting to murder.
When these people come to me, they ask the same questions:
How do I get the people to listen to me and trust me?
How can I get our team to achieve our goals?
How can I actually create change?
Being a good and effective leader, as we all know by now, has very little to do with the title or the mandate.
Maybe the ones who have the title and the mandate have a little bit of an upper hand, at least with the people reporting to them, because one way or another, they will follow. But it won’t necessarily mean the work will be good or even impactful.
When it comes to the ones who have neither the title nor the mandate, the struggle is real.
Is being a leader an impossible mission?
Of course, the answer is no. So while yes, there are people who are struggling with the role, official or otherwise, there are also people out there who don’t have the title, the mandate, or even the ambition, but seem to be already leading and leading very well just the same.
How do they do it, then?
Maybe it’s just talent.
Maybe it’s just that there are people who are born with this.
Maybe it’s Maybelline.
And if you’re in a leadership position right now, whether it’s with the title and mandate OR not, and really finding it hard not to want to punch people in the face every morning, keep reading because this issue is for you.
What Works (or at least what can be seen)
While I can’t give you the full, exhaustive list of how these people who seem to be natural-born leaders actually do the things that get them results, because every person is different and every person often requires their own tailored approach, I can share with you the observable things that these people do that are similar across the board.
They build relationships with people across the organization. - They go beyond their immediate team, their manager, and even beyond their department, and they build an understanding of how the business is being propped up from all corners of the proverbial “building”.
They make other people feel heard and included. - There are so many ways they do this, but here are some examples:
They seek to understand what other people can stand to gain or lose depending on which direction they end up pursuing
So they listen to people: for ideas, concerns, feedback
And they share their ideas, even when it’s raw, to get other people’s perspectives before any decision is even made, and let their input shape the final outcome
And if someone pushes back, they get curious about where it’s coming from instead of defending the idea or pushing harder (or thinking the other person’s just being an ass)
They do what they said they’d do. And if they can’t, they make it known. - Commitments are sacred to them. So they follow through with what they said they would do. When something slips, they say so early, and they’re transparent about what happens next (even if what happens next is nothing). People learn they can rely on them, which is a big part of why people follow without being made to.
Ok, so maybe right now you’re thinking, “But I’m already doing these things! More even. But it’s still not working.”
You’re still struggling to get the outcomes you want to achieve.
And before you start going down the deep end, keep going. Because there’s another part to this “story”.
What Works (but you can’t see)
Everything above is what can be copied. But what I’ve also observed from both the people I’ve worked with and haven’t worked with is that even if they copy these actions, the results are not consistent.
Because what makes these things effective consistently is what cannot be seen. The actions alone don’t do the work. It’s what drives the actions that pull the heavy lifting.
Who is the person listening?
Who is the person building the relationships?
Who is the person gathering other people’s perspectives?
The answer to these questions is what makes a difference.
Is the person listening somebody who truly values what other people have to say or are they listening because it’s good leadership practice?
Is the person building the relationship building them to expand their influence or because they seek to better understand how they can help?
Is the person gathering other people’s perspectives truly curious or coming into conversations with built-in assumptions about the other person?
The same actions, but completely different people who are doing them. It’s the identity that makes the difference and what people respond to rather than just the action alone.
And an identity is shaped by more than what an org chart or a title can give. It’s shaped by who you’ve decided to be as a leader.
This is why “fake it til you make it” never quite works. You can copy every action your favorite boss or executive does and still be missing the impact or even the recognition that you’re a good leader.
But when you start with this:
Who do you want to be as a leader?
Instead of faking it til you make it, you can BE IT NOW. And see how things unfold according to what you’ve assumed to be who you already are.
When you’ve decided that you already are this leader you want to be, a few things can happen:
The practical actions start to work and even feel easy to do, because they’re coming from somewhere genuine.
And you start coming up with your own actions and best practices that fit you and your definition of a good leader, as well as it fits your circumstance, instead of just borrowing someone else’s playbook.
Back to the two sides of the same coin.
If you have the title and the mandate, people will follow. That part comes with the job. But following isn’t the same as the quality of the results, the attitude people bring to the work, or whether they’re actually aligned on where you’re going. None of that comes with the title. It depends on who’s leading them.
If you don’t have the title or the mandate, nobody’s going to hand you permission to lead. So it has to come from you. And the same three things (results, attitude, alignment) are still what you’re after, with or without a mandate.
Either way, sure, the practical actions are always worth doing.
Build the relationships and make people feel included.
Follow through.
Get curious when someone pushes back (instead of deciding they’re just being an ass).
But they work best when they come from someone who has already decided who they are as a leader, no matter what, and not someone waiting to be validated to feel like one.
So maybe it was never talent.
And it was definitely never Maybelline. I wish, though.
Whether you have the title or not, the decision is the same.
Who do you want to be as a leader?
Then go be it now.
If you’re in a leadership position and want to make your kind of leadership not only be effective but also feel good OR
If you’ve been itching to be recognized as a leader and get the appropriate title to go with it
I’d love to help you! I have 1:1 coaching spots open and I’d love to talk about how we can work together to help you achieve your goals.
Stay awesome!
Kax
p.s. Not ready for 1:1 yet, but want to start practicing being that leader today? Becoming is my 21-day daily practice, starting December 1.