#63: You don't need a new job title. You need an identity.
And before you come at me with pitchforks, hear me out.
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If you’re new here, I’m Kax — welcome! How to Build What Feels Good is my weekly newsletter about becoming your favorite version of a Leader, building a purpose-driven career, and navigating all the human mess in this often cynical world of tech… while still having a happy and healthy life.
From Senior PM to Leader
Back in November, I wrote about why some managers hesitate to promote PMs to more senior roles. And several product leaders and career coaches have chimed in to share their thoughts and experience.
There’s a point in our careers when being really good at our job is no longer enough to get us to our next career goal. Often it’s the jump to Senior PM to either a more senior IC role or to a people management one.
At the Senior PM level, delivering impact is expected.
What actually sets people apart? Behaviors and values.
These aren’t always explicitly stated, but they play a major role in leadership promotions. Whether for Staff/Principal ICs or People Managers.
(For simplicity, let’s call them both leadership roles since both require stepping up in new ways.)
Let’s unpack.
Behaviors and Values as Criteria
I’ve spoken to several Product Leaders at the Director level (some of them my coaching clients) about what gets Senior PMs promoted into leadership roles.
And some patterns emerged:
How they respond to uncertainty. Do they offer thoughtful feedback or stay silent? Do they frame concerns as complaints or as constructive reflections?
How they make others feel and how they’re perceived. Do they make people feel heard and included? Are they respected and trusted beyond their immediate team?
How proactive they are. Do they spot opportunities and take action, or wait for direction? Do they shape their role by driving initiatives, or focus only on assigned tasks?
How they hold others accountable. Do they address misalignment or quietly pick up the slack? Do they rally the team to collaborate, or default to fixing everything themselves?
How they show up authentically. Do they lead with their values, or adapt to please the room? Are they confident in their voice, or do they say what they think others want to hear?
Why? Because at this level, it’s no longer about just what they do. It’s how they show up, how they think, and how others experience working with them.
And these things don’t just come from leading more complex initiatives.
They come from the way we engage with the world: how we process uncertainty, how we advocate for our ideas, and how we step into leadership moments before they’re handed to us.
And all of these are a reflection of something deeper: our identity.
And identity isn’t something we build only within the walls of the meeting room we always find ourselves in.
Your identity is not how good you are at writing PRDs
Some of the most effective, well-rounded product leaders I know didn’t just get their leadership skills from being a good Product Manager.
They’ve become the leaders they are because of how they engage with life outside of their roles.
How?
It can be anything. From hobbies, personal experiences, and even everyday routines.
It’s not about having a flashy side hustle or an extreme hobby. It’s about having a diverse range of experiences that have shaped their perspective and mindset.
01 How they respond to uncertainty.
A stand-up comic? Great at thinking on their feet, at recovering from unexpected moments, and adapting their approach when things don’t go as planned.02 How they make others feel and how they’re perceived.
A great cook? Understands that a great dish isn’t just about individual ingredients -- it’s about how they come together. Knows how to balance strong personalities, foster collaboration, and create alignment.03 How proactive they are.
A plant lover? Doesn't wait for plants to tell them they need water. They anticipate, nurture, and adjust as needed, just like a proactive PM spotting risks and opportunities early.04 How they hold others accountable.
A parent? Has mastered the art of balancing encouragement with firm boundaries, ensuring that responsibilities are shared and commitments are met.05 How they show up authentically.
A Hufflepuff? Rooted in their values of loyalty and hard work, they show up consistently as themselves. They lead with authenticity, integrity, and a strong sense of purpose, rather than trying to play office politics or be someone they’re not.Why is this important?
Because leadership isn’t just about what we do, it’s about who we are. And when we’re clear on who we are and what we stand for, everything shifts:
Our leadership becomes more intentional. We stop trying to mold ourselves into what other people think is good and we become more clear about what kind of leader we want to be.
We become strong in setting our boundaries. We filter noise more effectively because we’re clear on what matters to us and what doesn’t. And we become more mindful of respecting other people’s boundaries too.
We become more resilient. Setbacks don’t feel personal when we’re anchored in a strong sense of self.
Because our self-worth is no longer tied to our title. We recognize that our jobs are just that… jobs. Enablers for us to live a good life. Another avenue for us to exercise our strengths and have an impact. One of many.
And this is why identity comes first. When our actions and decisions are aligned with our values, we we start to embody the kind of leader we want to be… the kind of leader that people trust, respect, and want to follow.
And for the Senior Leaders who have the “power” to grant titles, these shifts that we gain can be seen as potential:
A higher-level view of the business. They see how all the moving parts connect.
Confident and concise communication. They craft compelling narratives that influence decisions.
Expanded influence through relationships. They don’t just operate within their function. They build trust and credibility across the organization.
Strong presence. They command attention. Not by being the loudest in the room, but by speaking with clarity, conviction, and purpose. They know when to lead, when to listen, and how to make their contributions count.
🌱 If you need support aligning your actions and decisions with the leader you want to be or surfacing your strengths and perspectives that positions you as ready for your next step into leadership.
Let’s chat! I have 1:1 coaching slots available and I’d love to collaborate with you.
TL;DR Why do all of these matter again?
Senior PMs don’t get promoted just because of their execution skills. They stand out because of who they are, how they think, and how they influence.
And those traits? They aren’t just developed at work. They come from the sum of our experiences, perspectives, and how we engage with the world.
When we have a strong identity:
We don’t shape-shift to fit what others expect. We show up consistently as the leader we want to be and with confidence.
We don’t rely on a promotion to validate our worth. We already know our value.
We become the kind of leader that naturally attracts opportunities; because people trust leaders who are grounded in who they are.
So that promotion? The title?
It’ll come after we've embodied the person we need to be to get it.
Even better? When they don’t come, it doesn’t matter.
We know our value. We know that our success is not measured by a title alone.
But we’ll also have the strength to seek out where our value can be a fit.
We don’t need the promotion.
We need to build a strong identity and fully embody that…
if you want to create your opportunities vs waiting for somebody to say “you’re good enough” that is.
📣 2 remaining 1:1 coaching slots open!
Are you a Senior PM and this post resonated with you, and you want to start taking control of your career and become the leader you aspire to be?
Are you an accidental Product Leader and you need help navigating your new leadership role, setting up your team for success, and making sure you have time for the rest of your life?
Are you an experienced PM wanting to be perceived as more senior and be top of mind for cool opportunities that always seem to pass you by?
I’d love to support you! Combining coaching and consulting, we’ll address real scenarios, and get practical and tactical by evaluating opportunities, so you can define actions to help you confidently make an impact.
We’ll also mix it with a holistic approach to ensure you have the right internal system to take on your challenges with confidence, energy, and strength.
If this is the kind of support that you’re looking for, I’d love to chat!
If you got to this part of this newsletter, thanks for staying with me until the end. And thank you for sharing with me topics that you’d like for me to share my thoughts, feelings, and violent reactions on.
❤️
Kax
PS. Here are more ways for us to connect:
Loved this one Kax. What many of us forget is knowing our values and embodying them will allow us to confidently seek what we are looking for / or what is seeking us will meet us where we are.
this is an amazing read Kax!! I love how you have densely packed this that anyone on this path can literally take each item and work on it! The secret sauce at the end is just icing on the cake "They stand out because of who they are, how they think, and how they influence."